I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just high enough for therapy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
