I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
