My room smells like vodka and shame
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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