I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
