My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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