You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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