My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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