I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i already hear my dad disowning me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize