Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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