who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
