At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
