playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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