Already got asked if we're dating
did you get engaged???
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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