is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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