Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
