Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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