i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
