I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
