mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
