So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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