dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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