Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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