Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize