My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
