I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My penis needs a shock collar
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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