now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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