So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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