i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
