i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
