i permit you to call me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
