good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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