He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
