Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
