I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
