We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
