Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
