I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
