for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
