my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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