well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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