the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
