so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
