I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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