if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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