honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
