If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
