Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I could fuck to npr.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
