Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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