I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
