I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
from now on my penis is your penis
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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