just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
