I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
