I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
