I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
