I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
