It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
