You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
