He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
