I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
