Dual....:-)
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
