And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
