so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
