i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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