is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
