My brain says no but my pants say off.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He shit in the fireplace
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
