I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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