i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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