i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
