You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you had me at cake vodka
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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