Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
