I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
