Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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