I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
