Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
