he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you will always have a special place in my vag
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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