I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
