Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
