Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
