I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
