i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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