I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
